Here I share some of my observations for your perusal.
1. Disney = Skynet.
The movie opens with rather disconcerting scene of tweenage girls in a mad stampede, their hysterics on full display as they scramble desperately for the chance to come to contact with our superstar brothers. As the show progresses, the brothers are shown escaping crowds in a helicopter, or stuck in a traffic jam caused by the hordes of pubescent zombies who squeal and scream as if on cue. You could quite possibly form a militia from these automatons, as long as one of the Jonases handed out the machine guns.
2. Babies in whore paint.
What the hell do you think you're doing, 'parents'?! Your kids are NOWHERE even close to an age when it is okay to strut around dressed like they have their next fuck scheduled within the hour!
3. Girl-on-girl crime.
Overheard from the seats beside me, 90% of the time, were trite declarations of passion only a preteen could muster. To wit, "He looks so perfect", "Nick is so sweet", "Haha, he's so cute when he does that!"
Overheard, upon the appearance of guest performer Taylor Swift, pretty young thing that she is: "God she's so ugly", "It's her eyes, they're weird".
Oh my Goddess, this has to be Gloria Steinem's worst nightmare. What could possibly have gone so wrong that an entire generation of vapid, desperate young women looks set to grow up in a world where Heidi Montag is 'feminist hero'?
4. Faulty gaydars.
Hey you, third row from the right, here's some advice, if you don't know by now:
JOE JONAS IS A FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL! Which brings us to,
5. Nick Jonas is the cuter Jonas Brother.
From left: Hanger-on Jonas, Try-hard Jonas and Nick Jonas. Peace out!
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