The Funny Bunny keeps a Diary

A new burrow.

2009-08-12T23:58:00.001-07:00

Hi,

If you're here looking for Funny Bunny, I'll have you know that the damned piece of shit has found a new burrow. Never mind that I have served him well enough for the past few months, all he cares about is the flashy and colourful layout at Tumblr.

Oh, and that slut, he's now posting smut on the internet too. Something along the lines of this:

So go away. Head over to his new fancy spots, Funny Bunny Diary and Esquisse Moi. I don't care. Good riddance.

Fuck off,
Blogspot.

X-static!

2009-07-31T01:58:00.000-07:00

THIS is the face one makes when told by their boyfriend that they've won premium tickets to see Pink perform in her penultimate concert in Sydney.

And THIS is what the brain looks like on the inside.

Some pretty trippy shit, I know. Free stuff. They do that to you.

The Secret Garden

2009-07-23T19:12:00.001-07:00

Once upon an indeterminate time, there grew a secret garden. This was one of those forgotten corners that one only chances upon unwittingly, the sort that thrive unencumbered by the meddling presence of man.

And what a glorious garden it was today. After a long bout of agonising winter, spring had finally sprung! Every flower, every leaf, bumblebee - each threatening to burst into a song of bountiful joy. All but for a lonely dandelion.

Thinking itself unsightly, the dandelion was not really so. Far from it, it had a sprightly viridian stalk, the end of which grew a fuzzy ball of snowy white bristles.

But that was of no comfort to the poor flower. It had not, the radiant disposition of a sunflower, or the tinkering charm of bluebells. Most of all, it was not a rose. Oh what it would give to be a rose! Peel after peel of pillowy, plump petals, exploding into a shade of deep scarlet. Oh, to be the king of the garden, and not a mere thistle!

"Why would anybody want to blow on me now?"

And thus the dandelion stirred from its wandering imagination. He never felt uglier or more undesirable.

Madam Babushka

2009-07-12T04:55:00.000-07:00

On this cold winter's morning, the street stirs with the zooming of cars, the pitter-patter of dogs and the treading of their masters' feet. The whizzing of the java machine coming from the coffee shop proves too irresistible, and lures the sleepyheads from their beds. Shop-owners sluggishly open their roller shutters as the whole town awakes. Amid the noise and hullabaloo, Madam Babushka cuts a lonesome, quiet figure.

A faded printed scarf is wrapped around her head, covering most of her hair although what little can be seen of it, is a wizened salt and pepper colour. A lumpy and heavily-pilled sweater seems to be the only thing protecting her hunched little body from the chilling winds. Beside her, a sort of collapsible contraption with wheels. This helps with walking, one would presume that she probably has wobbly knees. She is seated on a little raised edge, huddled. She watches.

Just as a couple of young men seem to be passing her by, Madam Babushka reaches out a hand and gently motions them to her. Stopped at their tracks, the men proceed towards the gray lady as she begins to plead.

"Bus ticket" she goes. "Bus ticket" she goes again, in an Eastern European accent. The men pay full attention to her as she speaks, trying to make sense of what little English she can muster. "No money go home" the woman implores finally when fat little tears start streaming down her deeply etched face.

Having understood her predicament now, one of the men reaches into his pocket to pull out his money-clip. Alas, it is empty, he would not be of much use to this poor soul. But all is not lost! He sees his metro card, with a couple more rides remaining on it. This ought to help, he thinks to himself as he hands it over. A good deed done, the duo walks away.

The men now a good distance away and with their backs towards her, Madam Babushka takes a gander at the card that she had just been so benevolently offered. Her face, helpless and pathetic mere moments ago, now scrunches to one of annoyance as she swiftly lifts herself up from her perch.

"Fuckwits," she thinks to herself, as she flicks the metro pass away. Now she'll have to look for victims elsewhere.

Michael Bay, DADAist hero.

2009-06-27T08:42:00.000-07:00

I went to see Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen last Friday. This is what I remember of it:

Scene. EXPLOSIONS. Oh my goddess, this IMAX screen is huge. Military. EXPLOSIONS. Plot contrivance. Whizzing camera angles. EXPLOSIONS. Pot jokes. Motion blur. Plot contrivance. EXPLOSIONS. Racist minstrelsy. Robot scrotum. Plot contrivance. EXPLOSIONS. Fin.

The film made very little sense, but then again it didn't need to. See here.

Warrior Princess Mikaela

2009-06-21T16:43:00.000-07:00

Angelina Jolie is one intriguing figure. Batshit-crazy turned mother of six (and more to come, no doubt), and goodwill ambassadress for the UNHCR, she is also a deservedly celebrated thespian.

Sure, there's that "bad-ass vixen" role that she takes out from the closet to wear over and over and over again (Tomb Raider, Mr & Mrs Smith, Wanted etc) which I presume she goes to when in need for some coin.

And yes, every foreign accent that she attempts inevitable ends up sounding like she's a Transylvanian vampire (Alexander, Beowulf). And she over-acts sometimes (Changeling - "He's not my son!").

But I have to honestly say, there isn't one film that she's been in where I feel like she's half-assing it or merely going through the motions. Every role she's taken, she's done convincingly enough for me to suspend my disbelieve for as long as the director needs to tell their story. Props where props are due, she did win an Oscar for Girl, Interrupted and people say A Mighty Heart was a gem.

And I did cry when watching her Christine Collins character in Changeling. I mean, can you imagine being that gorgeous, perfect and fabulous-looking, and still be able to get the world to feel sorry for you? To be this believable despite her physical beauty, and in an overlong, overwrought film to boot, takes serious acting chops.

That being said, Megan Fox is no Angelina Jolie.

Muchas Gracias

2009-06-07T05:20:00.000-07:00

Dear Momofuku Ando,

Thank you so much for inventing the modern instant ramen.

Your contribution to society is immeasurable. Had you not been born, how bleak living life would be. Meals would not be cooked in under two minutes. For under a dollar. Imagine that!

I mean, seriously, how would assignments get done? The collective sigh heard from the cataclysmic event of architecture students failing everywhere would be painfully palpable. Just like the time when Darth Vader threatens Princess Leia to give up the location of the Rebel Alliance, and she gives in, but he uses the tractor beam to blow Alderaan into smithereens anyway, and Obi-wan Kenobi feels a disturbance in the Force? Yeah, like that.

So here is my paean to you, Mr. Ando. My gratitude is boundless. Sure, I might go bald from all the MSG, but who cares? I love you.

Sincerely yours,
Funny Bunny.

Marion Cotillard's breasts look like artichokes. White artichokes.

2009-06-05T09:38:00.000-07:00

Bryan Safi is my new hero. Here's one reason why.

Hail Mary - There are kids here!

2009-06-03T23:15:00.000-07:00

Dear pervy man trolling the university bus stop,

Your white shorts do not qualify as appropriate outerwear because they are:

1)Elastic
2)Thinner than the dishcloth at my mother's house.

Judging from the way you were so proudly standing and your smug expression, the fact that your entire erect penis was clearly discernible through said shorts, I assume, was well within your anticipation.

To that I say, put your junk away! NOBODY wants to tap that.

Sincerely not yours,
Funny Bunny

The end of the world is nigh

2009-06-03T01:23:00.000-07:00

Pretty busy at architorture school, here's something to tide you bebehs over.

Tired of your pubic hair? Soon I'll design a line of pubic wigs, they'll be shiny, they'll be colourful, they'll be long, short, straight or curly.

They'll sell like hot cakes, or blonde acrylic eyebrow weaves in dingy shops where Chingy is still considered relevant.

Guaranteed "celebrity status" fo shure, or your money back.

She never listens

2009-05-29T22:10:00.000-07:00

Hello?

You need to talk to your sister.

Oh, hi, mom.

(distant) YOU talk to him.

--- Phone passed to SissyBunny. Cue long, painful discussion about future prospects, degree choices and career options. Damage done, phone passed back to MummyBunny ---

So did you speak to her?

Um, yeah, I thought I just did.

What did she say? What did you say?

I think she needs to make sure she knows what she's getting into before going in. I don't think she'll enjoy International Business very much.

Exactly! When I told her that she won't get much money off it, she threw a fit!

She's driving me nuts!

Maybe you need to stop telling her no. Quit being so negative all the...

I'm not! I just don't think she's capable, that's all.

Maybe that's the problem. What happened to her civil services applica...

She never listens!

"Rape Me in My Thighs"

2009-05-27T01:48:00.000-07:00

While we're still being culturally insensitive, here's another one, just to keep the ball rolling.

Cause I'm generous like that.

The Chili Yin Chronicles

2009-05-26T17:51:00.000-07:00

So just the other day the BF and I were on our way to dinner when we walked past our regular bakery. Naturally, we HAD to go inside to pick up some of their fantastic cheese puffs (Classy!).

Now usually, my eyes would be transfixed on the tasty selections offered, but today, a little more lethargic, they were flying across the space, judging everything and everybody in sight.

And there it was, the gem that was this poster.

Chilli Yin! I started giggling uncontrollably. Yes I am a bitch.

Who the hell names themselves Chilli, I thought to myself. I proceeded to tweet that exact question, which prompted such responses:

kiki_tina: SOMEONE WHO THINKS THEY ARE HOT!

MooMooCowMooMoo: Now now. Don't be nasty. If we can have Apple Ho and Cabbage Kuah, I'm sure Chilli Yin is a legit name.

Having let out ONE guffaw, the BF turned to me, "It's not Chilli, it's Chili. He's Chinese, it's probably more Yin Chi Li".

Suddenly it made a whole lot more sense. The four years that I'd spent living in Australia has compounded on my 'mental whiteness', which was already white enough to begin with. I mean, I've already started to unconsciously pronounce Chinese things the way white people do (the wrong way). Soon I'll be eating spring rolls with my fingers and having wine with my dim sim.

Seriously though. Cultural diversity is awesome, but a poster with caption that reads "A Fairy Party" in a large, swishy, sprinkly, pink font is PRICELESS. I bet you dem glittery gayz are going to be so disappointed when they find out that the fairy party is nothing more than a cake ad.

I am five

2009-05-24T16:35:00.001-07:00

I want to see this. Part of me thinks it's going to be a big pile o' shit, but deep inside I'm all giggly and excited. Does that make me Disney's target demographic?

Someday but not today

2009-05-24T16:25:00.001-07:00

Someday, but not today,
The search, the search,
For that one, the one,
Of ice-cream Sundays,
Of hearty laughs,
And butterflies,
Not all that glitters is gold,
Someday, but not today,
Somehow, just not now,
Someone, just not this one.

Stevie Nicks made me cry today

2009-05-18T22:44:00.000-07:00

Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself

It's only me who wants to wrap around your dreams now
Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?
Dreams of loneliness, like a heartbeat, drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost
Of what you had
Oh, what you lost

I want to be blonde and beautiful

2009-05-17T12:02:00.000-07:00

The advent of media-sharing results in the enrichment of the populace. Through the opening up of this technology, we are now able to share our insights, learn new things, but MORE IMPORTANTLY, we get to while away the hours watching trash like this on Youtube:

This harpy sings? I've got to give it up for the maestros behind this piece of musical genius. Through some inconceivable alignment of the celestial bodies, every element in Ms Panettiere's ditty here manages to snap into place, so much so that the only way it could have been made better would be for me to have discovered it earlier. The "Woah... woah" has been stuck in my head the whole night, and thank goodness for that. My architorture submissions were made infinitesimally more bearable due the giggling that the song/video never fails to elicit. So bra-va, Claire Bennet. Bra-va.

And before I go here's a video of a lovely soubrette, um, 'singing', just cause.

Classy!

Wherein I am a bitchy queen

2009-05-16T06:23:00.000-07:00

Earlier today I was a marauder on alien land called Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience.
Here I share some of my observations for your perusal.

1. Disney = Skynet.

The movie opens with rather disconcerting scene of tweenage girls in a mad stampede, their hysterics on full display as they scramble desperately for the chance to come to contact with our superstar brothers. As the show progresses, the brothers are shown escaping crowds in a helicopter, or stuck in a traffic jam caused by the hordes of pubescent zombies who squeal and scream as if on cue. You could quite possibly form a militia from these automatons, as long as one of the Jonases handed out the machine guns.

2. Babies in whore paint.

What the hell do you think you're doing, 'parents'?! Your kids are NOWHERE even close to an age when it is okay to strut around dressed like they have their next fuck scheduled within the hour!

3. Girl-on-girl crime.

Overheard from the seats beside me, 90% of the time, were trite declarations of passion only a preteen could muster. To wit, "He looks so perfect", "Nick is so sweet", "Haha, he's so cute when he does that!"

Overheard, upon the appearance of guest performer Taylor Swift, pretty young thing that she is: "God she's so ugly", "It's her eyes, they're weird".

Oh my Goddess, this has to be Gloria Steinem's worst nightmare. What could possibly have gone so wrong that an entire generation of vapid, desperate young women looks set to grow up in a world where Heidi Montag is 'feminist hero'?

4. Faulty gaydars.

Hey you, third row from the right, here's some advice, if you don't know by now:

JOE JONAS IS A FLAMING HOMOSEXUAL! Which brings us to,

5. Nick Jonas is the cuter Jonas Brother.

From left: Hanger-on Jonas, Try-hard Jonas and Nick Jonas. Peace out!

I NEED that dress! And MY favourite colour is fluorescent beige, too.

2009-05-14T12:35:00.000-07:00

And thus the bar is raised. Also, the discomfort on the groom's face = priceless.

So many reasons to see this movie. How could anyone resist it?

Let's laugh at poor people. Also, Nicole Scherzinger needs to pronounce Jai Ho properly.

2009-05-13T22:01:00.000-07:00

Hello?

Hello! Funny Bunny?

Yeah? Mom?

I called you just now, but you weren't home.

I went out to see a movie.

What did you see?

Milk.

What kind of movie title is that?

It's about this prominent gay figure.
His name was Harvey Milk.

Oh.

Have you seen Slumdog Millionaire?

Your brother brought home a copy.

I haven't. What did you think of it?

It was pretty funny.

Wise Words from Skanky Ladies: Kitties' Song of Submission

2009-05-12T15:57:00.000-07:00

The world slows down,
But my heart beats fast right now,
I know this is the part,
Where the end starts.